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Phoenix Rising

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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2007|11:55 am]
Phoenix Rising
Shakespeare's Twelfth Night
LaFevre Theatre, St. Mary's College of California

Opening night tonight.

Watch us!
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The last post. [Oct. 7th, 2007|02:03 am]
Phoenix Rising
How did this start? At times I try to recall.
You sent in applications as early as the Fall.
I supported you, they reported that you had gotten in.
And we were both so excited that a new adventure would begin.

I had your back all the way, even when your father called.
Little did I know I was supporting my own downfall.
You went up, saw life, forgot all about me.
Spent time with him, changed on a whim, and I just couldn't see.

I called you day and I called you night and I longed to see your face.
If only I had the time and money to visit you in that state.
You picked blueberries, I worked in the back of a shop.
Saving money for us together so we could party non-stop.

After three years, you said you had grown tired.
I should have seen the clues you wired.
And now you don't even care to talk it out.
I should be angry but instead, you are. And it's making me have doubts.

I should have known, I knew all along the way you talked about him.
Not answering the phone or texts when I was in the room, it was grim.
But I blinded myself. Is it easier to hate me than to feel the guilt?
To tear down a beautiful house that three years and all my love built?

I never cheated, called you when I was late. Hell, you knew my every move.
All this to show you my love. All that I tried to prove.
But you never told me that he kissed you, and I consider that cheating.
Cause when I heard those words, my heart took a beating.

You were so full of life, and now you've grown to a darly state.
Emotionlessness must be rubbing off from your roommate.
You used to be full of life, what happened to Jikuu?
She found a better love I guess. But... I was the one who loved you.

This is the last post that I'm going to not hide. I don't even know if you'll see.
You can't say that I didn't try, and now I've just grown weary.
My trust is shattered in all things true, and I'll leave you only with this.
He might hurt you like you hurt me, because he's got a pair of roaming lips.

I hope he doesn't though. And from the bottom of my heart.
I hope you live a happy life if a relationship should start.
I'll miss you but you don't miss me, and I can't dwell on this forever.
I've tried and cried, but now my love dies. Three years amount to never.

If you decide to fall in love, I hope the man gives you this.
The way I used to hold you at night and give you a kiss.
The way I'd massage you or buy you things when times got too hectic.
The way I'd buy a whole pharmacy whenever you got sick.
The way I could make things better whenever you wept,
Like when your dad calls and his voice gains contempt.
The way I'd heat up your rice pack every time of the month.
The way I'd make you laugh with my tiny little stunts.
The little sweet things like hunting for post-its.
Or sitting together and watching some chobits.
I hope that he purrs, I hope that he nuzzles.
I hope that he helps you with all of your puzzles.
I don't say this sardonic, I mean it so true.
Because all I want is the best person for you.

Again I state in this final flurry of tears.
You might read this tomorrow, or in the next fifty years.
Our lines met and crossed, but they've drifted apart.
May god damn those three months that took away my heart.

Oasis [Sep. 22nd, 2007|12:32 pm]
Phoenix Rising
What was it about that night?
Connection in an isolated age.
For once, the shadows gave way to light.
For once, I didn't disengage...

Last night was amazing. Lights. Music. Sex in the air. Friends. And even a little bit of emergency. It made me realize how much I missed being single. Yep, nothing screams "the single life" like a few hours of unadulterated alcohol-induced dry-humping with random strangers whom you normally wouldn't say hi to.

Well, I don't drink, but you get the idea.

Anywho, more detail later. I'm outta here.
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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2007|06:09 pm]
Phoenix Rising
It feels nice to sit!

I walked to the Lafayette BART station, took it to Berkeley, was treated kinda rudely at Games of Berkeley, then walked around for a little over two hours. I saw some cool art, checked out the Berkeley Rep, and almost bought a bunch of stuff from a book store (but didn't because it was all... well, in crappy condition).

Now I sit, opening a few packs of YGO before engaging in a bit of organization. Then I water Trini's plants, maybe take a nap, and see where the night takes me.

Adios all!
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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2007|02:32 pm]
Phoenix Rising
I'm done with classes and I have nothing else obligatory to do, so I'm off for a nice walk in Berkley. Maybe I can find a bar of Kumasari Sabarino!
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Get the moonlight out of your hair. [Sep. 17th, 2007|09:17 pm]
Phoenix Rising
Alright, I have a question for you ladies. What does it mean when a girl looks at you, and then looks away when you catch her? And if this is recurring? Just curious. 'Cause my mind is going on all sorts of tangents about it... and quite frankly, they range from incredibly optimistic to just downright depressing lol. Like, is it flirting? Or is it just straight-up no-meaning oh-I-was-just-looking-at-you staring? My mind is switching between an egotistical "Ooh, Billy..." to a rather pessimistic "Ew, Billy..."

I'm actually leaning towards the pessimistic one, just because this girl is way beyond my stature. Like, she's the one everyone swoons over, you know? And I'm sure that every other guy she knows feels the same. Yeah... that's probably it.

Anywho, I know one girl who has a crush on me, another who may have a crush on me, and the people who I've always known to have a crush on me. And I STILL DON'T COMPREHEND IT. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, believe me. Hell, if you've known me longer than six months then you know what an incredibly low self-esteem I have. I guess it's just St. Mary's College... hell, the choices are either stuck-up rich-ass white-boy athletes who fucked their way to get into college...

...or me.


So either rich, white boys with abs.

...or me.

Let me reiterate this once more.

Bill Gates' money with Fabio's body.

...or me.

Do you not see my dilemma? lol

To give myself credit (and not seem like a whiner), I guess I do sort of stand out. For one, I think for myself. I try to be deeper and more intellectual than the normal SMC student. I enjoy debate over mindless conformity to idiotic ideas. I try to be mature, although I'm still a little kinky (wink wink).

(Sigh) I don't know. It feels like I've been thrust back into high school, with all this guessing and shit. I'm just going to go to Safeway (VONS motherfuckers! Call it VONS) and buy some staples.

Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette!
Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace!
Another dance, another way, another chance, another day!

A poem.Collapse )
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I can't control my destiny... [Sep. 16th, 2007|11:49 pm]
Phoenix Rising
I have learned something tonight.

Being sleepy tends to influence bad decisions in terms of eBay.

I'm really hoping someone outbids me.
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Dying in America to come into our own... [Sep. 16th, 2007|11:04 pm]
Phoenix Rising
I bought a tie-dyed shirt and a REALLY COOL THING today. I also won a briefcase ^_^. Yay for Lafayette!

Rehearsal was quick and easy today... I had forgotten how tough getting into a character can be. I never thought in a million years that I'd be in a position where I'm the newbie on the stage... but that's what I get for taking a three year break and trying to change society. Stupid society. (kick)

I'm still reeling from my humiliating defeat in South San Francisco. I created a new deck, one that I'm sure will win. Did I say that last time? I lied.

There's a lot that I want to write right now... but I'll refrain. Instead, I'll test out my new deck and go to sleep.

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(no subject) [Sep. 16th, 2007|12:26 pm]
Phoenix Rising
I'm halfway through cleaning the apartment, and I feel pretty damn good about it. The kitchen is tidied up, and the living room is halfway done.

I went to the regionals yesterday. Drove to South San Francisco on my lonesome. It was insane, and ultimately I ran 1-7-0. However, I made a killing off of trades... and even some some of my friends from Berkley.

I have Rent stuck in my head.

I'm going to take a break from cleaning... maybe walk to the Wine and Cheese festival, and hit up Toys r' Us and Target. Hell, I might catch the BART to Berkley just to walk around.

Anywho, I'm out. Adios all.
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No day but today. [Sep. 13th, 2007|10:31 pm]
Phoenix Rising
Something is telling me to stay home.

Something is telling me that this isn't me.

But then, who am I?

Life is a process. A process of change.

There is no future. There is no past.
Thank God this moment's not the last.
There's only us. There's only this.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

No other road.
No other way.
No day but today.

I can't control
(Will I lose my dignity?)
My destiny
(Will someone care?)
I trust my soul
(Will I wake tomorrow?)
My only goal is just to be
(From this nightmare?)
Without you
(There's only now)
The hand gropes
(There's only here)
The ear hears
(Give in to love)
The pulse beats
(Or live in fear)
Life goes on
(No other path)
But I'm gone
(No other way)
'Cause I die without you
(No day but today)
I die without you
(No day but today)
I die without you
(No day but today)
I die without you
(No day but today)

I die without you
(No day but today)

No day but today...
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(no subject) [Sep. 13th, 2007|01:16 pm]
Phoenix Rising
And now I'm having trouble breathing, heart palpitations, and overall tenseness.

...after waking up this morning in a deep sweat and feelings of anxiety.

(blink blink)
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Friends Only [Jun. 29th, 2006|11:18 pm]
Phoenix Rising
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Some things were perfectly clear seen with the vision of youth. No doubts and nothing to fear. I claimed the corner on truth. These days, it's harder to say I know what I'm fighting for. My faith is falling away. I'm not that sure anymore. Shades of grey wherever I go. The more I find out, the less that I know. Black and white is how it should be, but shades of grey are the colors I see... Once there were trenches and walls, and one point of every view. Fight 'til the other man falls. Kill him before he kills you. These days, the edges are blurred. I'm old and tired of war. I hear the other man's words. I'm not that sure anymore... Shades of grey are all that I find when I look to the enemy line. Black and white was so easy for me, but shades of grey are the colors I see... Now with the wisdom of years, I try to reason things out. And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts. Save us all from arrogant men and all the causes they're for. I won't be righteous again. I'm not that sure anymore... Shades of grey are all that I find when I look to the enemy line. There ain't no rainbows shinin' on me. Shades of grey are the colors I see. Shades of grey wherever I go. The more I find out, the less that I know. There ain't no rainbows shinin' on me. Shades of grey are the colors I see...

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